nonesane: My cat is a happy cat (Default)
Okay, I'm a frikkin' mess right now. I haven't slept a full night for 3 weeks, my back keeps locking up at random intervals for no discernible reason, my period is the worst it's been in years aaaaand the over-the-counter sleeping aid I took last night only made me nauseous.


I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow to figure out what the next step with the Spine Situation is because I am going a little mad right now. I've seen 5 physiotherapists in 3 years and they've all given me different exercises, some of which have resulted in my back getting worse. The general advice I keep getting is "exercise more" and...honey, if I exercise more I'll have to stop sleeping and eating, okay?

Also, while my back feels fine as I exercise, it gets worse after! I went for a 5k run yesterday and I almost couldn't make the cool-down walk home because my lower back Did Not Like That. Just...there's no pleasing this body part of mine :/
nonesane: My cat is a happy cat (Default)
Maaaan, this work week was a tough one! I've basically worked 1,5 week worth of cases and I'm a little groggy. But I had a great pole dancing session yesterday (managed some tricks I've never succeeded in doing before, w00t!) and tonight is D&D night with my the online players. Hyped!
nonesane: (In the mood?)
I just got semt the full backstory from one of my two players who hasn't handed one in yet (...for a 5e D&D campaign that's been going on for 2 years XD), so now I'm super inspired to sit down and go over all of my world building and write up some stuff for Sunday's session~ Yes, yes, evil DM plotting XD

Plus the other day I caved and got myself Overligth because it's so damn shiny and great, so I need to sit down (well, lie down, spine still hates me) and read up on that too tomorrow. Gonna plot me a fun and hopepunk-y oneshot to introduce it to some of my friends <3

Hopefully this inspiration lasts until tomorrow! Btw, anyone got tips for a good D&D icon maker? Need to get me some of those :D
nonesane: (Keyboard?)
My new attempts at patience with myself are being put through a trial by fire right now. My spine, never in the best of shape since I broke it a bit back when I was a stupid teenager, has decided to get an inflammation. It's been days. I'm writing this lying down on my couch. Sitting up is not a thing I do right now, it's only standing and lying down that work for me. Urgh.

Long story short, I had so many small happy plans for this weekend that I haven't been able to do. I also have a ton of work that I didn't get done at the clinic because I was in too much pain to write at my usual speed. Much to catch up with tomorrow, once I've been to my chiropractor :(

Darn. Working on those distraction-from-guilt techniques (which actually is going really well). Just a little disappointed I didn't get to do all the fun stuff I wanted to do this weekend.
nonesane: (Hat & smile = so much win!)
Maaaan, had such a great session of D&D last night XD I kept throwing curve balls at the players, hinting at a possible side-plot they could get involved with (while riding through unknown woods looking for the husband of the shop keep NPC they've gotten attached to). Let's just say that the one player who had to leave early was all "When is next time????" and also got super curious when we met up on the commuter train this morning. Makes me feel happy about my story set-up :)

D&D aside, January has been a month of realizations for me. The main one being that I'm not just burned out because of work, I'm burned out because of me.

By this I mean that while my previous job was inhumanely structured and clearly in violation of soooo many worker's rights, the main reason I'm still messed up (and of late getting these panic attacks) is because I've internalized that job. All I do nowadays is goal oriented. I've always been ambitious to the point of it harming me - I literally once broke my own back because I refused to lose a karate match and I've stressed out over grades since the moment I got my first one. So of course this job messed with my head. Of fucking course.

I read 80 books last year, finished NaNoWriMo and Yuletide, wrote a lot on several of my very very long writing projects, hung out with friends, hosted a huge LARP, DM:ed D&D etc etc and worked full time with a lot of overtime all through 2018 and still feel I didn't do enough. As if having fun or just existing is some kind of job or exam I will be graded on. Not good for your health, yanno?

I'm thinking, the main goal for 2019 for me shall be to Do Less. Focus on having fun, focus on not powering through "just to get things done". I have time. I need to let myself realize that. Otherwise I will continue to be so exhausted that all I do with my free time is sit and stare and wish I had the energy to do all the fun stuff I really want to do.

So yeah. Goal is do less! Wohoo? ...yup, wohoo! 2019, self-care year!
nonesane: My cat is a happy cat (Default)
Boy oh boy do I need to slow down. Four panic attacks over the holidays is four too many (aka I would prefer to stop having these, please and thank you). Soooo, the goal for this year is to say no to more stuff (especially, sadly, to fun stuff) and to spend more time just recovering. Yay.

Review of last year's goals )

Vague goals for 2019 )

Books to read 2019 )

Goals for January )
nonesane: (Raksura 2)
I got not one, but two lovely The Magnificent Seven stories, based on the 2016 movie.

Title: A Long Time Coming
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Summary: Billy has never owned anything as valuable as the knives Goody had made for him, and he's certainly never been gifted anything that valuable. It doesn't seem like the kind of present a man would give a business partner, or even a friend.

Title: Lucky
Fandom: The Magnificent Seven (2016)
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters/Pairing: Goodnight Robicheaux/Billy Rocks
Summary: Billy's frustratingly injured. Goody finally steps up to lend a helping hand.

I enjoyed both stories greatly! Yuletide is always such a delightful exchange, at least in my experience, and this year was no different <3 (Can of course not yet say story I wrote~)

Speaking of writing, here's a list to myself to try and get an idea of what I want to write this year. Trying to narrow stuff down a little, put more on back-burner. The amount of WIPs I have is ridiculous.

I've even gotten myself a MyWriteClub account, to try and get back into writing regularly. We'll see if it helps...

Writing stuff to do )
nonesane: My cat is a happy cat (Default)
My old one won't be finished this year, but I have 6 more books left until I've finished my 80 books/comics reading challenge from Goodreads. So, here goes:

To read before next year:
[X] The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet by Becky Chambers (404 pages - 198 left)
[-] Luck in the Shadows by Lynn Flewelling (479 pages - 479 left)
[X] The Silent Companions by Laura Purcell (364 pages - 354 left)
[-] The Slow Regard of Silent Things by Patrick Rothfuss (159 pages - 159 left)
[X] 2 graphic novels from the library

Also hope to have time to read:
[-] Rails by Elva Birch (ebook, so unsure of how many print-equivalent pages)
nonesane: (What the f...)
So, turns out that the downside of recovering from severe burnout is that once you start feeling better you also start noticing how messed up you are. Like, the last 4 years I've pretty much been coasting on adrenaline with occasional crashes when my immune system shut down and left me with a 2-3 week long flue from hell. But I feel physically fine, but I get these mental breaks. We're talking full blown panic attacks, me spending a whole week hyperventilating and crying the nights away for no reason.

Well, not for "no" reason. Just...burnout man, it's a hell of a drug. I hope I get to sleep this week.

I'm still happy to be getting better, though. I feel fine when the 'attacks' aren't happening and even when they're on-going I don't feel sad it's only uncanny and unsettling. Just wanted ya'll online people to know (and remind myself) why I go MIA now and then without warning. Sorry for all the conversations I've left half-finished! Will do my best to pick them up when my brain allows.
nonesane: (Raksura 4)
All hail the mighty Yulegoat! Welcome to my letter, I hope it will inspire. I promise I love all these fandoms equally – I just get wordier about some of them :)

If you want to go the really advanced route, I have a very long list of favorite tropes and kinks over here. By this I mean plot likes too, not just smut related likes.

General likes and dislikes you will find beneath this cut )

Fandom specifics!
Beware of spoilers for all fandoms listed below!

Books of the Raksura - Martha Wells )

A Charm of Magpies Series - K. J. Charles )

The Goblin Emperor - Katherine Addison )

The Magnificent Seven (2016) )

Sapphire and Steel )

The Stars Are Legion - Kameron Hurley )


nonesane: My cat is a happy cat (Default)

February 2019

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